Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
