if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He better not be in your backpack
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
