I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
