I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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