Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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