Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
