He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i came on her dog
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
