I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
