Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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