He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
