i think my tv is drunk
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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