$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
God I need to hump something, right now.
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