Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
