whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
