I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize