Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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