Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
