so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
