My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize