Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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