I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
