Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
