Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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