Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
