I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
