I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
