she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i've created a new STD.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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