hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
