My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
