Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
