JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
