Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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