so explain again why im purple
no
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I need to stop coming to work sober
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize