he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
