Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
