I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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