so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
