Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
