where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
