Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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