In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
