remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
