Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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