I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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