I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
