I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
