So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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