She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
