They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
