Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
