That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
