You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
