he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
