There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
