You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
