And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
