just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
