im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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