FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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