Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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