So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
