the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Buhtt sex?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
