this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
