i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
