my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize