Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
