Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
