I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
