its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
