dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
