Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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