we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
