I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
