Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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