so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
