3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
