oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
