Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
