He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize