jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
