No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
