gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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