If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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