I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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