Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
