Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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