then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
