dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
