ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
