I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
