I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
