ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
