he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
