my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
