I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
