I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
