im having a threesome with these popsicles
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
