sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
God, I missed his penis.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
