Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
