My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
